Tiger Mask's Guide to Picking up Chicks
by DevilsArcadia777
Summary: Chagecha's rebellion and many Yankees are having difficulties obtaining the girls of their dreams. But have no fear! Tiger Mask is here! With really bad love advice. HimawarixMasato to come. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_**Tiger Mask's Guide to Picking Up Hot Chicks**_

_By DevilsArcadia777_

**Story: **After hearing that the guys of Chagecha's rebellion are having hard times with the opposite sex, Tiger Mask decides to give them some advice. And apparently, the advice he has sucks. A lot.

**Genre: **Comedy/Romance

**Rating: **M

**Contains: **Suggestive humor, language, and explicit sexual situations

**Disclaimer: **The little amount of Chagecha that exists belongs to Yoshio Sawai…wah!

_**-C-**_

_**Two-Shot Special: **__Tiger Mask's Guide to Picking Up Hot Chicks_

The sun was shining and reflecting on the hot pavement of the streets of Gure-Tokyo on what was expected to be another hectic day for Chagecha and his gang. Surprisingly, none of the high schools were about this morning, and it was eerily quiet. To compensate, Chagecha, Masato, Himawari, Tiger Mask, Washio, Kotarou, Longhorn Onizawa, and Doraji all agreed on eating breakfast at a nearby café, which would've been nice if Doraji hadn't somehow illegally attained a flare gun. The nine-year-old was obviously wrecking havoc.

"BAM!" Little Doraji shouted as he flare-shot a nearby mailbox. He giggled and giggled as he watched a penguin that appeared out of nowhere run from another shot.

"Doraji! Stop it!" Washio shouted, holstering the nine-year-old by his shoulders. That didn't stop him from nearly shooting a fat man wearing fishnet clothing. The rest of the group began to grow upset, and the manager began to get cranky.

"Will you just change that stupid kid!? If he don't shut up, I'm kickin' you all out!" The manager shouted.

"Just give me a minute…" Washio lifted Doraji up and blew a "raspberry" into his belly, causing him to drop the gun and kick and scream.

"Stop thaaat! You know how much I hate that!" Doraji screamed.

"Would you rather I sing a lullaby instead?" Washio taunted.

"NOOO!"

"ROCK-A-BY-BABY IN A NUCLEAR WASTE PIT,

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS, THE CHUPACABRA'S

GONNA MUTILATE YOUUUU-"

"Okay, I'll shut up! Waah! I hate it when you sing to me!" Doraji immediately became quiet and pouted upon sitting back down. The manager took the flare gun away and reported it off with a warning.

"Ugh, I think we should just catapult you back to the elementary school, Doraji. You're such a pain," Chagecha groaned, unknowingly pouring his coffee to the point that it began to overflow from his mug.

"But _Sempai, _he's a Yankee Elite, isn't he?" Masato asked, taking a bite of a bagel.

"A kid is a kid, Masato. Strong he may be, he's too immature for the responsibilities of the real world."

"Don't call me kid, butt-fucker!" Doraji screamed.

"Did he just say the 'f-word'!?" Masato asked.

"Yes I did, you fuckin' dumb blonde!"

"Hey!"

"Quiet over there!" the manager shouted again.

"Doraji, if you don't settle down, we're gonna get kicked out!" Onizawa shouted.

"Maaa!" Doraji whined.

Himawari and Kotarou were silently eating alone together behind the booth Chagecha, Washio, Doraji, and Masato were sharing. Kotarou was chewing some _konnyaku _while Himawari was twirling her pigtail. Masato was quietly watching the female twirl her chestnut brown hair with a slightly dazed look in his eyes. She slowly got up and out of Kotarou's way and walked over to the restroom.

Chagecha looked over at his _kohai _curiously, noticing him sigh. He smirked; he knew what was on his mind.

"Hey Masatoooo…got your eye on our fine sunflower, hmmm?" Chagecha cooed. Masato blushed a shade of champagne red, beginning to stutter.

"Ah, _S-S-S-S-Sempai! _W-w-what are you talking about!?" Masato looked as if he were about to faint.

"You like Himawari!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"I heard that you think she has a nice ass!" Doraji chortled.

"Well, I-wait, WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT!?" Masato freaked out.

"I read it in your diary!" Doraji waved about a little red book. Masato began to retaliate in rage, crunching his fists.

"You can't catch me, mundane loser!" Masato and Doraji began an all-out chase throughout the café and beyond.

As the hectic chase continued, Tiger Mask, who was silent as he choked down several pastries, began to notice that all of the other guys began to look down and sigh. He suspected that they _all _had some kind of problem with the opposite sex.

"_Now's my chance to prove myself…" _he thought to himself with a quiet cackle.

Clearing the way the meal he and Onizawa were eating, much to the other's chagrin, Tiger Mask leapt onto the bar table nearby and, by snapping his fingers, caused a banner that read in Japanese _"Tiger Mask's Love-Love-Kiss-Kiss Super Serial Sensuous Guide to Picking Up Hot Chicks!" _to appear on the top rafter of the bar, much to the manager's anger. The rebels' eyes all bulged out at the wierdo's action.

"Come one, come all! Expert love advice for a small fee, only available here at the Yakyuu Café! It's Tiger Mask's Love-Love-Kiss-Kiss Super Serial Sensuous Guide to Picking Up Hot Chicks! Only 2000 yen (17 dollars U.S) for advice! Guaranteed to get you a hot gal who's all over you in mere minutes!"

Chagecha's rebels passed it off and continued their meals. However, a swarm of Yankee boys and even the higher members of Gure-Tokyo charged right into the café, waving their money in the air for advice.

"You've got to be kidding me…" Kotarou sighed, sipping some peppermint tea.

"Is there really love advice here!?" the Okada Brothers shouted in unison.

"If you put your money where my cock is, then yes!" Tiger Mask shouted back.

"_Oh, thank heavens…now I can show Tomoko-chan how much I love her so…" _Kintamarou Kabu sighed in his head, blushing.

"_Advice for gaining a woman, hmm? How…truly unmoral and pathetic…screw that dick hole, I'm going home." _The bird Piyoppi and his human carrier slowly walked out of the café.

Doraji put on an innocent face as Tiger Mask began to collect money from the Yankees. "Ah…can someone tell me what this is?" he cooed shyly, like a child.

"It's advice for males on how to gain a female partner," said Washio.

"Like…a project partner?" Doraji asked again.

"No, a romantic partner. A girlfriend. You know, a girl you kiss and love for who she is because she makes you happy."

"Oh." Doraji's face was momentarily blank before sticking out his tongue in disgust. "EEEEWWW!"

"You just wait, brat. You may be in the stage of your life that you think girls are gross, but it won't be long when you begin to become attracted to them," Washio said sternly.

"Me!? Kiss a girl!? No way! Girls are gross! Romance is for wussies!" Doraji spat with his tongue three times.

"Suit yourself…"

"Okay, currently have 89,976 yen in this here box! Any more takers?" Tiger Mask asked.

"Wow, are they really that desperate!?" Masato shouted.

"What about you guys?" Tiger Mask referred to the rebel team. They all looked at one another and shrugged.

"It'll be good for a laugh…" Washio said quietly, taking out his wallet. Chagecha and Onizawa did the same. "What about you, Masato?"

"Forget it! I'll ask Himawari out myself!" he shouted as he headed for the men's restroom, unknowingly entering the other by accident.

"Masato…wrong bathroom…" Chagecha pointed out as a multitude of feminine screams emerged from the women's room. Masato was chased out with a ton of bumps and bruises taken to him.

"Oh, shut up!" he groaned, heading for the correct restroom this time, with Kotarou following him.

"Ah, Kotarou_-san-"_

The black-haired antisocial boy ignored him as he occupied the last available stall. Masato squeaked in panic as he noticed that all of the stalls and urinals were occupied; no one would be leaving the stalls too soon judging by the groaning, and there were long lines for the urinals.

"Aw, crap…" Masato placed his two hands on his genitals, trying to hold his pee in. His bladder felt like it was going to burst soon as he slowly exited the restroom.

Chagecha noticed his little underclassman's crisis. "Hey, just go in a bush nearby. No one will look."

"B-but…" Masato protested.

"Oh, I see. Bladder shy. Just sit tight then."

"If you're going to stay then, pay me 2000 yen for love advice! A sap like you really needs it!" Tiger Mask taunted, leaping into Masato's way. The teenage boy groaned, placing the money into the box.

"Okey-dokey then! Let's begin! To begin my fellow saps-er, I mean male brethren-"

"Why did they drag me into this? I have my own fangirls…" Onizawa whispered to himself.

"Your mother doesn't count, dumbass." Washio spat.

"Shit…how did he know?"

"Can we get back to the part on how we can screw hot chicks!?" Yamauchi screamed in rage.

"You got it, buffalo boy!" Tiger Mask said with a thumbs-up.

"Buffalo boy!?"

"Ahem," Tiger Mask continued. "As I was saying, the first thing you need to learn is pickup lines." The Yankees immediately pulled out notepads for notes.

"The most important thing to remember about pickup lines is that under no circumstance must they be…well…pickup lines."

"……………………………………………….."

The rebels fell into absolute awkward silence while the Yankees scribbled down notes.

"_That totally sucked…" _Masato thought.

"What's a pickup line? I'm confused." said Doraji.

"Of course you are, poo-for-brains," commented Tiger Mask. "An example of a pickup line that you must never say is…"

Everyone leaned over in expectation.

"…the way you emit vaginal secretions is sexy! Wanna make some love and spawn some total evil?"

"……………………………………………….."

"_Okay, that was just wrong…" _Washio, Chagecha, and Masato thought in unison. As expected, the idiot Yankees took the advice and wrote it down.

"Okay, that was a good one, no? I'll give you another one…such as..."

Everyone leaned over in expectation.

"…you know, my forehead isn't the only thing way out of proportion! -wink wink-"

"……………………………………………….."

"_For the love of God, what a stupid man-whore…" _Washio thought. Once again, notes were scribbled.

"And, I have one more important line that may actually help…and it is…"

Everyone leaned over in expectation.

"…I'm doing a science theory experiment on orgies. Wanna lend a hand to the community and aid science?"

"………………………………………………."

"_Leave your disillusioned sex fantasies to yourself, Tiger…" _Chagecha thought. More notes were written.

"That is a good line, because it doesn't sound like a pickup line. Hopefully, you're more likely to get a slap than a kick to the crotch."

"Hey Washio, what's a vagina?" Doraji asked.

Washio slowly turned his head at Doraji with a look in his eye that spelled "Shut the hell up." "DON'T ASK." He barked.

"Doraji, a vagina is what the girl's private parts are called. It's your penis and, for example, Himawari's vagina that make boys and girls different," Chagecha said bluntly, much to Washio's shock.

"But I thought the girl's privates were called a pee-pee."

"Nope."

"So then, why do boys and girls have different parts?" Doraji asked. Washio and Masato stiffened up; they knew what he was asking.

"I'll tell you when you're a little older," Chagecha said simply with a smile, patting Doraji's shoulder. Doraji passed it off, still a bit confused.

"Do you understand this part of my advice?" Tiger Mask asked. "One of you, give me an example of a good line that doesn't sound like a pickup line."

"Oh! Oh! Pick me!" Onizawa shouted, flailing his hand.

"I choose…Kintamaoru! Gimme a line!"

"A line…hmmm." Kintamaoru thought hard. After a minute, he was able to come up with:

"Hey Tomoko, you and I are totally powerful, and it seems that fate bought us together like this. Wanna have sex?"

Tiger Mask nodded his head in approval. "Classic, yet surprising and subtle. I like it." The other Yankees applauded.

"…………………………………………….."

"Next is Oreo Morikyo!"

"HUUUH!?" Everyone's eyes bulged as they noticed Oreo's head destroying the rear interior of the café.

"Uhh…fuck me! Please?"

"………………………………………………"

Tiger Mask gave a thumbs up sign. "Good use of the f-bomb. Next example from Onizawa, please."

Onizawa hopped in excitement. "Hi, I'm Longhorn, a homeless, illiterate coffee seller from Brazil. Trust me, it's worked many times."

"I see. Nice allusion of sympathy. And now, why not Kouzan?"

Washio was surprised that Tiger Mask even asked him. He put his hand under his chin and came up with:

"…you have the most beautiful eyes. They remind me of a midnight horizon."

"…wow, that was sensitive and caring, Washio. That's lovely…" Chagecha whispered. Masato smiled.

Tiger Mask put a twisted, disgusted look on his face that stood out from the confused Yankees (wow, are they really that dumb?). He punched the wall, causing it to collapse, and nearly screamed so loud that one of the windows cracked.

"FAIL, FAIL, AND MORE FRIGGIN' EPIC FAIL! What are you trying to do, date the girl and start out slow!?"

"Isn't that what you're supposed to do, loser? Can't I at least show some respect before I nail a girl?" Washio asked. The Yankees, surprisingly, scribbled down notes from Washio.

"No freaking way! Remember that sex sells more than anything! Now next topic!" Tiger Mask announced. The Yankees scribbled, muttering 'next question!'

"A pickup line factors with the probability of you having a three percent chance of scoring a night with the girl and a ninety-seven percent chance of getting your balls hacked off and your masculinity scarred for life. But there are several factors that can make your probability of an awesome night with the girl skyrocket. For example, the most important factor is…"

Everyone leaned over in expectation.

"Does this include how drunk they are?" a Yankee asked.

"No, stupid. It's your hair."

"_Wow, he didn't say anything stupid for once…" _Masato thought.

"It's been scientifically proven that no matter how hideous-looking you are, if you have gravity-defying _Dragon Ball Z _hair with good color, then they will at least find you intriguing." The Yankees scribbled down more notes and began scheduling appointments for their hair.

"That explains something…" Onizawa said sadly. "By the way, Chagecha, how do you get your hair like that?"

"My hair?" Chagecha asked.

"I mean, those dreadlocks are perfectly curled! Not a hair out of place! And that deep red color! It's the color of fire and passion!"

"Wow, Onizawa used complex adjectives," Masato commented.

"He has his smart moments." Washio replied.

"Well, how my hair gets the way it is…the color isn't intentional. Every morning I wind up using a knife to get my toast out of the toaster when it's still plugged in. And as far as the dreadlocks, go, I use cement instead of hair gel."

"……………………………………………..…"

"By the way Masato, you need to seriously see a stylist. Your hair sucks!" Tiger Mask shouted.

"But…I have blonde hair the color of honey and sunflowers! And it's spiky and poofy, like that attractive emo warrior Heppokomaru! Everyone loves him!"

"Yeah, but unlike you, Heppokomaru is sexy…" Tiger Mask sighed, holding up a pinup featuring a topless Heppokomaru.

"…………………………………………………"

"_At least I don't work as a guy who used to sell shojo manga…" _Masato thought bitterly.

"Okay, next topic!" Tiger Mask moved on. "After successfully delivering a pick-up line, you will, unfortunately, have to engage in some form of conversation. In my many years of rejection and fame, I have found many lines that are, surprisingly, offensive. For example…"

The Yankees scribbled down their notes in expectation.

"…don't ask the girl if she's pregnant and get permission to inject your own seed up there. Secondly, don't ask her if you want a baby of your own mixed in a laboratory in less than 20 minutes. And finally, don't tell her that your last love is currently locked away in a magazine HQ trying to commit suicide. Another important thing is to NOT fondle their breasts and have them sitting in a jar in a lab after they die as a memento."

"………………………………………………."

"_I bet he's never even dated once…" _Masato, Washio, and Chagecha thought in unison again.

Tiger Mask took a sip of coffee and sighed in satisfaction. "Well, that's all the advice you'll need! Oh, but before I go, just remember: If you can't get out a decent pickup line, then murder their old boyfriend and give his decapitated head to her as a present. Chicks dig that whole revenge scene. And don't forget about sensitivity either. And even if they have bad cooking, compliment then and tell them they'll make a good wife someday. Heh heh heh…"

The Yankees concluded writing their notes, thanked Tiger Mask grandly, and dashed out the door. The rebels stood in silence.

"Well…that was a complete waste of space…" Washio said boldly.

"Washio, can I ask you some questions?" Doraji asked. Washio nodded his head.

"Can you tell me what sex is?"

Washio's aura flared up in anger. "NOOOOOO!"

"Waah! Kotarou, save me!" Doraji wailed.

"I'm afraid Kotarou's gonna be in there for a while…" Tiger Mask pointed out, referencing the bathroom door. "Judging by the flatulence coming from him, he's in there with the runs…"

"Ughhh…" Kotarou groaned.

"No…what do I do now…my bladder's about to explode! I think some of it leaked out…" Masato whimpered, clutching his crotch up harder.

"For heaven's sake, go to the port-a-potty down the block!" Chagecha shouted. "Forget Himawari for now!"

"Wahh…whatever!" Masato groaned. He rushed out of the café, wailing as he ran for the nearest toilet he could find.

"I knew he needed my help…" Tiger Mask said.

"Is something wrong!?" Himawari asked suddenly, bursting from the ladies' room. "I thought I heard that blonde boy cry for help…

"Nah, he just really needs to pee," said Doraji.

"He's a guy; can't he just use a bush or something?"

"He's bladder shy, apparently."

"Wow, what a loser…" Himawari spoke, looking away. Chagecha noticed her cheeks were slightly pink.

"Hey…Himawari, don't tell me that you like Masato?!"

"What!? No way! He's a loser!" Himawari stomped out with a huff.

Masato was almost near the port-a-potty nearby and shouted in relief. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the pothole that was in the pavement and tripped on it, performing a face-plant.

"Owww…" he groaned. He was about to get up when he felt something wet and warm forming between his legs.

**/…tinkle tinkle…/**

"Oh no…" Masato groaned. "I can't believe this…I'm sixteen years old and I wet my pants…" Masato slowly sat up as the rest of his pee tinkled out, forming a wet spot around his thighs and in front of his crotch. He looked down and appeared to want to cry.

"I'm so damn useless…"

Himawari caught up to Masato, looking at him with concern. She kneeled onto the ground at his level. "Masato? Are you okay?"

"H-Himawari…"

The two of them began to feel warm sympathy between them. Himawari noticed the wet spot on Masato's pants and began to giggle.

"Wow…you peed your pants! At sixteen! Aren't you a little old for that?" she giggled.

"Hey! Leave me alone, stupid! Sheesh!" Masato snapped, causing Himawari to squirm.

"S-sorry…"

Masato took himself back, realizing what he did. "No…I'm sorry too…I mean…"

The moment became intense with awkward heat. Himawari slowly stood up. Needing support, Masato grabbed something to help him stand, that "support" winding up to be Himawari's biker shorts, which he pulled down, revealing a pair of pink panties with a bunny on the front!

"Ah!? Oh shi-"

"_Oh my gawd…panties…" _Masato's hidden perverted thoughts cackled.

"Ah…ah…" Himawari blushed furiously. Gathering her Yanki energy, she whipped out her two cell phones complete with bowling ball straps and smashed them in unison at Masato screaming "YOU PERVERT!"

"Wah…wah…" Masato cowered in pain. "Okay, now I'm really sorry! Please forgive me!? Please!?" Masato cried, grabbing Himawari's breasts by accident.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?" Once again, Masato took a bowling ball to the jaw.

"No…why this!? What's with me and these harem situations all of a sudden!?" Masato whined. "It's always that the guy likes the girl and all this crap happens…I like Himawari…but why-"

"Huh…?"

Masato saw that Himawari heard him and blushed furiously. He covered his mouth and held himself back in fear.

"Did you just say that you liked me?" Himawari asked.

"Ah…well, um…no…I mean, you're pretty, you're strong, you have a nice a-I mean-"

"I have a nice…ass!? You shameless bastard!" Himawari shouted in rage.

"No-no-no! That's not what I-"

"Oh, so I'm not pretty then!?"

"No you are! You're a bit rough, and yet-"

"Sexist pig! I haven't seen you fight off any Yankees!"

"No! Will you please listen to me!?"

"Forget it!"

With that, Himawari ran off, tears flying from her face. Masato reached out for her, but gave up. He began to walk home, upset and humiliated.

"Why…why!?" he cried. He sat down on a nearby bench, hugged his legs, and began to sniffle and cry a little.

-X-

_With Chagecha and the other Yankees…_

"Let's watch the Yankees fail at getting girls just for fun!" Washio shouted with pep. He, Onizawa, and Chagecha were lounging on deck chairs on top of Gekiatsu High's roof, watching the massive stampede of Yankees pursue the girls of their dreams with Tiger Mask's advice in mind…

_**To be continued…**_

**-Well, how was it? This little two-shot is purely for fun and a little gift from me honoring my 16****th**** birthday…the second part will be up soon, I promise! And then I will get back at my other stories!**

**-I was gravely upset that Chagecha had to end so soon…but I have story ideas in mind to continue it…**

**FOOTNOTES**

-"Yakyuu" is the Japanese word for "baseball."


	2. Chapter 2

**What's happened so far: **Tiger Mask of Chagecha's rebellion decides to give lewd love advice to the brain-dumb Yankees of Gure-Tokyo and several of his fellow rebels. Now they're going to test out his advice, which is bound to fail. Meanwhile, Masato winds up looking like an absolute fool in front of Himawari, who he likes, and she turns him down as a pervert. Now humiliated, Masato is stuck between choosing Tiger Mask's love advice and his own heart to use for winning the girl he now wishes to be with.

**-Generating the results from the previous chapter…start!**

_**Tiger Mask's Guide to Picking Up Hot Chicks **__(Part 2)_

Yamauchi of Sekiranun High School eagerly began his pursuit of romance and erotica as he walked into the school's gymnasium. It was the time of day that physical education took place, but considering how Gure-Tokyo worked, it was more of a free-for-all melee than a gym class; the phys ed teacher (one of the 0.2 percent of teachers in the entire city) was bound and gagged from a rope on the ceiling being used as a tetherball for several students.

Yamauchi scanned the area and squeaked in joy when he spotted the round, delicate rump of Suzume Kinoshita of the Student Council; he took joy in her wearing the gym uniform, which used traditional female gym bloomers (the shorts that resemble underwear). He gently tapped on the girl's shoulder to get her attention.

"Oh, hey there Yamauchi_-sempai. _What's up?"

"Weeeellll…"

Yamauchi twiddled his fingers and carefully sorted Tiger Mask's love advice. The first thing he needed was a pickup line, which he could actually do.

"Suzume, I think that you have a great ass. No, really." Yamauchi smiled in triumph. _"Now she'll be all over me…"_

Suzume hissed and spun around. "Jerk! Leave me alone, please."

"Don't worry baby, I know what you're thinking…romantic relationships only lead to pain and broken hearts. Let's skip straight to the sex instead!"

"Excuse me!?" Suzume yelled.

"I said I wanna spend the night with you Suzume! You're hot! I like you!"

"…"

Suzume began to stomp off. She stopped for a moment and began to boil.

"Yamauchi…I mean this in the politest way possible…"

Yamauchi tightened his face in excitement.

"Fuck off!"

The girl flipped her upperclassman her middle finger and blazed off. Poor Yamauchi was left alone humiliated. His entire body began to melt in despair.

"How…"

-C-

"I'm Longhorn, a homeless, illiterate coffee seller from Brazil. Wanna do it?"

Onizawa put his charms to the test against a student from the Yamanba Girls' Institute, an all-female B-Grade high school. The girl he was speaking to had long brown hair tied into a ponytail that split at the end like a dolphin tail.

"I'd rather shag a porcupine." With that, the girl walked off, tossing her coffee at poor Onizawa.

"..so that's what girls see in people like Heppokomaru…" Onizawa grunted.

-C-

Kintamaoru returned to Saiunkan High with a large grin; his day to win Tomoko over was finally here. He and Piyoppi sat at the large dinner table they usually sat at and awaited their female companion to cook them some fresh hot lunches for them.

"Okay, I'm hungry! Gimme food, dammit!" Kintamaoru shouted.

"_Such a loser…" _Piyoppi thought. His messenger bird peeped impatiently for its meal.

"Ugh, shut up and let me finish…" Tomoko began to chop up some daikon radish. Kintamaoru silently watched the woman of his dreams prepare a meal and gazed about at her stunningly beautiful breasts, well-toned muscular body, and her gorgeous six-pack abs. He had to have her, like a crazy poet in an insane asylum desired a woman.

During Tomoko's cooking time, Kintamaoru was able to put together the best non-pickup line he could.

"Hey Tomoko."

"What is it?"

"Your hair is not spiky and it does not remind me of a cow's butt. It's wavy…like flying debris from a truck backing up."

Tomoko didn't say anything. Instead she just gave the other man a glare and went back to cooking.

"_Heheh…she's all over me…"_

Tomoko finally finished after seven minutes. After announcing the daily meal blessing, Kintamaoru began to dig into Tomoko's meal feverishly.

"Mmmhh…so damn awesome! You have the best cooking Tomoko!"

"Really? I'm charmed…" Tomoko blushed a little.

"It's true. I think you'll make a great wife someday."

Tomoko's smile immediately broke. Kintamaoru was now met with a shrewd-faced Tomoko holding a knife in her hand, pointing it at the male's groin. Kintamaoru fell into fear and whimpered under the female's power.

"Ah…I meant high-class chef with a successful career?"

_Several Minutes Later_

Kintamaoru was now being shipped off to the hospital with a kitchen knife in his genitals…

-C-

Washio needed to go to the bathroom, so he stepped off the roof for a moment and headed for the boys' room. He opened the door and went inside, screaming in realization that Himawari was there, huddled in a corner, crying.

"Himawari!" Washio freaked out. "This is the boys' room! Please get out of here…"

"…-sniff-…aha…wa…"

Washio had realized that something really was wrong with his female companion. He knelt by her side and sat close to her, putting his arm around her shoulder. Himawari blushed a little in response.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said gently.

Himawari wiped her tears and placed her legs out front. "I…was a jerk today, Washio-_sempai…"_

"Really?"

"Ahh…it's Masato…that dumb blonde…"

Washio had gotten an idea why Himawari was upset.

"You see…he was being all perverted and stuff, but I knew he didn't mean it…he just looked so helpless…"

Washio hugged Himawari into his chest.

"…he's a boy for the love of Christmas…why is he so helpless!?"

"He's a mundane, Himawari. Not all boys are hoodlums. In fact, I like Masato. He's a gentleman."

"I know…but…for a hopeless gentleman…why did I…"

Himawari sobbed hysterically into Washio's chest; Washio in turn began to comfort her, gently brushing her pigtails.

"Himawari…there's no need to cry. Everyone finds someone they like…"

"But…I'm supposed to be fighting…I can't get…romantically involved! I'll become weak!"

"One who does not know love…will eternally be unable to gain true strength. My grandfather had told me that long ago, and I have always carried it with me to my word this day…Himawari, I want you to take this quote and preserve it for yourself." Washio spoke like a philosopher.

"IT'S NOT LIKE I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM, STUPID!" A blushing Himawari ripped one of the urinals out of the wall and smashed it over Washio's head, making him pass out. Himawari then left the room in a huff.

"_I just…really like him…"_

_-C-_

Oreo Morikyo had re-fixed himself into the front wall of Guerilla High, ready to meet the girl of his dreams, Raiko. He was able to glance at the girl (who was also the student council president), who resembled what one might call a Japanese doll.

"Raiko_-chan! _I have something to tell you…" Oreo carefully began to pick his lines out.

"What is it, Morikyo_-sama?" _Raiko smiled innocently.

"Umm…uhh…president Raiko…ummm…permission to tell you a kinky sex joke!?" Oreo shouted in nervousness.

Raiko fell back. "Permission to _what!?"_

Oreo began to panic. He had nearly forgotten all of Tiger Mask's "foolproof" advice. He decided to go with an ice breaker instead.

"Oh, wait…that's not a pickup line, I messed up…umm…how about…"

Raiko was slowly creeping out of the room in fear.

"President Raiko, permission to run my lips through your fluffy black hair, cover every centimeter of you in chocolate and lick it all off one tongue-ful at a time?"

"…..ahh, Oreo…"

With that, Raiko dumped herself in a bucket of gasoline, lit a match, lit herself on fire, and ran away screaming. Oreo fell into depression and sobbed, causing the entire school to flood.

"Nohohoho! This can't get any worse…oh, I know! I'll hang myself to end this misery!"

"Yeah, that would work, if you had a _neck, _which you _don't _have!" screamed another student.

"Oh yeah…" Oreo fell into despair.

-C-

Kotarou was gazing into the oncoming sunset in an empty parking lot near the rear courtyard of Gekiatsu High. Clutching a note in his hand, he was expecting someone to show soon…

"Excuse me?"

Kotarou spun around and widened his eyes. The person he was waiting for had come. The woman he saw had long, flowing silver hair and the iciest irises for eyes. She wore a crimson tank top and blue shabby jeans. A massively long katana hung at her waist. She appeared to be slightly older than Kotarou, but not by much.

"Bohera…" Kotarou sighed.

The girl named Bohera shut her eyes and went to the silent high school student, caressing his face.

"Ah, Kotarou…where did you say you wanted to take me?" she asked gently.

Kotarou shivered a little, but remained calm. "Inside the gymnasium/auditorium."

"Ah…very well…"

The two of them slowly walked together, and an air of love slowly ruptured in the winds…

-C-

Masato was now dressed in more casual wear, consisting of jeans, a white and black hoodie, a plain blue shirt underneath, sneakers, and, of course, a clean pair of boxers. He sat by a peaceful pier watching the sun set, yet all was not well in his heart. Masato let out a sigh as the breezes kicked sand off the pavement.

"_What do I do now? Himawari will never like me…"_

Hugging his legs to his chest, Masato felt that with the current status of the boys in Gure-Tokyo, no girl would come near him, a regular person with no Yanki abilities whatsoever. He was a clumsy, naïve loser who had nothing outstanding to share.

"Masato."

Masato turned his head and saw Himawari standing near him. His cheeks tinged pink; he hadn't seen her in casual wear. She wore a black and gray striped hoodie with a pink tank top underneath, and a gray denim skirt, complete with black ankle boots and black socks.

"What do you want?" he asked rather bitterly.

Himawari was taken aback. _"I knew it…he's mad at me…"_

"If you have some kind of problem, go talk to someone about it! Sheesh! You were the one that pulled my shorts down!" Himawari spat.

"Didn't I tell you that was an accident!? Then again I probably shouldn't say that because you wouldn't believe me! Just like all dumb girls in those harem stories…"

Himawari's feelings retaliated and stung. She had never felt more upset in her life.

"You bastard…" she sniffed, holding back tears.

"Come on. Hit me. Isn't that what everyone does? Sheesh." Masato hunched over more.

Himawari's tears began to spill out. "Yeah, well, I actually care about you, Masato! Why can't you see that we all like you for who you are!? You're such a…a…"

Masato turned around and could see Himawari starting to sob and break down. His heart began to sink with regret.

"… bastard…uh-huh-waaa!"

Masato's eyes went blank. The girl he had crushed on had told him she cared about him. He was ecstatic and frightened at the same time.

"Himawari…"

Masato grabbed Himawari's shoulders. She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears. With a hesitant gulp, Masato gently embraced the girl he liked with warmth. Never before had either of them felt such feelings of fondness.

"Masato…?"

"I was afraid."

"Wh…what?"

"I was afraid that you wouldn't accept me for who I was. I'm not like _Sempai; _I'm not like the other rebels…it made me feel empty and left out…"

Himawari's tears began to dry; she had realized that he was in more pain than she was. She couldn't shake the feeling of warmth and love that Masato was giving her.

"_His chest…it's so warm…this is…"_

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry I yelled at you, Himawari…it's just that, well…you're so strong and cool and…pretty…and I'm…"

Masato pulled himself back. Tears began to fall from his face.

"I'm such a loser!" he shouted before crying himself.

Himawari's compassion grew, realizing how much of a wonderful person Masato was. Perhaps they could be together, if they got to know each other a little more. But something in her heart was telling her to like him more…

"Masato."

Masato looked at Himawari, embarrassed from crying. She didn't say a word; instead she perched onto her toes and kissed Masato's lips full on. She began to embrace him lovingly, deepening her kiss. Masato was taken back, blushing. It wasn't long after that he began to kiss her back. The sun was nearly reaching its climax setting, making the scene all romantic-like. Washio then came out of nowhere and decided to play _Suteki Da Ne _(Isn't it Wonderful?) on a boom box, letting the romance sweep over.

"EEEWW! They're _kissing!_" Doraji yelled, pointing at them kiss.

"Shut up, kid! Don't ruin it for them." Washio picked up the nine-year-old by his scruff, silencing him.

"But kissing gives you cooties!"

"Ugh…let's just go find Chagecha and Kotarou and get back to the condo…"

The teenagers' long kiss finally ended, and they embraced one another, silently, making their moment last.

"Hey…Masato?" Himawari spoke.

"Yes?"

"I…really do like you…"

Masato closed his eyes; he was finally happy. "I feel the same…"

"Oh my God, a confession!" a little kid shouted.

"Will you leave them alone!? What they're doing is none of your business young man!" the boy's mother rushed in and took him to her.

"Ah, I'm sorry about that…please carry on with what you were doing…" the woman said awkwardly before leaving. Masato and Himawari giggled.

"Hah…that was funny."

"I agree."

Dusk was starting to fall. It was best to return home.

"Himawari, let's go find the others. They must be looking for us."

"Sure thing."

With that, the two of them broke their embrace and began to walk back toward Gekiatsu High, when they noticed Washio and Doraji standing by.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Masato asked.

"Ah…nothing, we were…just looking for you…" Washio spoke nervously.

"Kissy-face!" Doraji shouted. Washio bashed him on the head with one of his wooden poles used for his Yanki attacks.

"We just need to find Onizawa, Kotarou, and Chagecha…" Himawari said.

"What about Tiger Mask?" Masato added.

"Ah, screw him."

"Good idea."

With that, the four friends left to find their fellow rebels.

-C-

The gymnasium/auditorium of Gekiatsu High was blaring romantic music, for it was at this time of night that the students used this area as a make-out spot. The four rebels that had just come together proceeded to enter with caution as they were bombarded with couples of all sexual orientations making out and going further on the floor and onstage.

"EEEEEWWWWW!" Doraji pined throughout the trip.

"What have I done..." Washio said quietly in despair.

The quartet made it to the stage and was shocked to find an unconscious Chagecha, who apparently collapsed from witnessing a couple "doing it." "Chagecha!" the four shouted in unison. They turned over his body and saw his eyes swirling in shock.

"Ko...tarou…he's…"

The rebels slowly turned their heads in fear in the direction Chagecha was pointing at. Near one of the stage stereos, two loud moaning noises could be heard, even louder than those of the other couples.

"Oh…dear God…" Washio shivered.

In the corner were Kotarou and Bohemian Rhapsody performing "lemon," to be blunt. Thankfully, they weren't nude, but rather their pants were pulled down to the point of their genitals uniting together. They moaned and kissed and embraced rather loud, up to the point that would cause anyone to freak out. Never before in history had anyone seen Kotarou like this.

"Aaahhh, Kotarou_-san…" _Masato gasped.

Doraji didn't say anything. He stood there in horror in witnessing love-making/copulation for the very first time.

"Mmmnhh…mmnnn…ah…"

Kotarou could feel his climax coming. Bohera returned to her submissive position and forced her fingers into Kotarou's back. Kissing him fiercely, she gently touched his organs, causing him to climax intensely. Bohera herself had a powerful climax.

"Aaah!"

Kotarou jerked Bohera up into a sitting position, kissing her cheek gently. As the two caught their breath, they slowly began to relax and take their time in a sweet embrace.

"Bohera…that was…I mean…"

"Quiet you…ahh, that felt so good…you're pretty impressive for a first-year high school student…"

"Mmnh…" Kotarou nibbled on the female's ear gently. Washio's jaw dropped to the floor. It was three seconds later that Kotarou realized his friends were there watching him. He slowly turned his head upright and freaked out (silently) in his head.

"_OH SHIT."_

More silence. Doraji broke the ice by screaming bloody murder and running out of the room.

"Ah…ah…YOU FUCKING IDIOT! You just scarred a poor nine-year-old for life! Have you no decency!?" Washio screamed, fangs forming in his teeth. "And-and-and you flashed your _thing _in front of Himawari! How do you feel now, jackass!?"

"Uhh…he didn't flash me, Washio…" Himawari commented.

"You deserve to be punished! I'm reporting the headmaster for this! Who is this woman anyway!?" Washio shouted again.

"I'm a childhood friend of his…" Bohera said calmly.

"Oh really? How old are you?"

"I'm 25."

"WHAAAAT!?" Everyone face-faulted and collapsed.

"_A 16-year old high school student and a 25-year old model!? That is just so damn wrong, if not somewhat sexy…" _Masato thought.

Kotarou began pulling his pants back up and zipping them. "Bohera, I think we ought to split for the night…"

"Sounds nice. See you again tomorrow?" Bohera re-dressed herself.

"If I'm not busy, fighting Yankees and all."

"No problem."

"Bow-chikah-wow-wow!" Usagi the rabbit sang from nowhere.

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?" Washio screamed.

-C-

Everyone had said their good nights to one another and entered the Gure Condominiums for the night. Masato and Chagecha remained outside, gazing at the stars.

"So, Masato…"

"Yes?"

"About Himawari…I heard that you confessed to her…"

"Well…yeah…" Masato smiled with a gentle blush.

"So…did she touch your penis?"

Masato collapsed. "No, she did not!"

"So what happened then?"

"We kissed, of course."

"Oooh, sweet."

The two of them gazed for a while longer.

"Hey, _Sempai?"_

"Yeah?"

"Who took Tiger Mask's love advice this morning?"

Chagecha recollected all his memories from earlier. "Uhh…just about every Yankee in Gure-Tokyo, except for us…"

Masato put his hand under his chin. "So…Kotarou and I both got people we like…and we didn't follow Tiger Mask's advice."

"Seems so."

"And…I heard from Usagi that all who _did _take his advice…wound up miserable…"

"Oh…"

Suddenly, the sound of thundering footsteps could be heard in the distance. Quickly zipping by was none other than Tiger Mask, who was running out of absolute fear and panic. Not too far behind him were all the Yankees that took his advice; they were rampaging like wild beasts on the hunt, screaming.

"TIGER MASK YOU BIG FAT DOUCHE, YOU'RE GOING DOOOOOOWWWWN!" Kintamaoru was leading the chase, tied to a wheelchair from post-surgery on his cock.

"Haven't you people ever heard of common sense!?" Tiger Mask wailed, riding on top of the box containing the money he made, which now had wheels attached to it.

"DIEEEEEE!"

Moments later, Tiger Mask was now a bloody blob on the pavement. Chagecha and Masato couldn't help but laugh, despite the fact their friend was nearly dead.

Nobody knew what tomorrow would bring, but one thing was for sure: It would be one hell of a day for Tiger Mask…

_**THE END**_

**-Well, how was it? This is the first fic I actually completed (even if it was only two chapters).**

**-I'm done here, unless anyone would like an extra lemon scene of Masato and Himawari.**

**-I may come back for another round of Chagecha soon, but not for a while. (Giggle)**

**-If you don't know who any of the characters are, go to MANGAHELPERS and read the scans.**

**-Bohera belongs to Roxius.**

**-See you!**

**FOOTNOTES**

_-"Suteki Da Ne" _is the lyrical song used for the video game _Final Fantasy X. _It is played during the scene where the two main characters, Tidus and Yuna, kiss each other passionately.


End file.
